Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
