I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
