Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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