It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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