I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
