she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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