My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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