I am puke
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Randomize
