It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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