i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the condom got lost in my hair
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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