i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
