Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
