ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
