hell yes lets make some ravioli
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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