I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize