So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
