if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
