The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
