I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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