Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
