I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
