Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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