I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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