omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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