He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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