I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
