jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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