i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
