it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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