Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
