The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize