That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
