Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We need to get me chipped asap
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
