He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize