He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
