wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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