One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
did i walk over a car last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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