Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
