She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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