Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i already hear my dad disowning me
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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