i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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