I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
