What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
