i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
