Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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