she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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