i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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