I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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