Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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