So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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