Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
