update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize