Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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