weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
