chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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