You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
