she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
