I hate all girls vehemently.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
